First off, anyone who knows me knows I have been a part of just about every "religion" out there. However, right around 2005 I settled into the embrace of non-denominational Christianity. I attended church regularly and was a leader of a youth group for high school aged kids. I was happy about this choice to accept god and I felt as if I saw things in a clearer light. I met a lot of wonderful people 2 of which I still consider to be the most honest, caring, loving, selfless people who would do anything for anybody and treated me like a family member and gave me acceptance even after they knew things about me that would strike fear in the heart of the average person. After all that I had done and all that I had been I was like the poster child for how God can change a person and through these people I saw god I was very happy and content in my small church. I read my bible I prayed, I struggled to be better, and I was getting there. I was saved and baptized I loved every moment of it.
Somewhere somehow something changed and I realized my 2 friends, mentors were the exception to what a Christian is and not the rule. I began to see the judgment and contradictions in the church and in most of the people. I saw hate for others not the love I believed Christianity to be about. I saw many people Sunday after Sunday put on their church clothes and their church faces and their church attitudes and I saw them fail to love one another when the church was not watching I saw church doctrine picked and chosen to meet the needs of the church. I saw political values pushed like a commandment while other relevant laws were pushed aside. excuses were made as to why we no longer do this or why this is no longer relevant and my own conflict with having gay, liberal, atheist, agnostic, friends and family who were considered sinners because of these thing and didn't do this or that and when I was questioned I was told to love the sinner hate the sin and for a moment I did even when the sin in question was love.
I watched everyone more closely and I saw more hate then I did love and I became weary I questioned and I prayed and in the end I was done with the picking a choosing of laws and the human justifications and when it came down to it all I could say for certain that I was not certain of anything anymore and this is why I stopped being a part of any organized religion I keep my beliefs to myself I love and I "sin" and I try to do good to others and I struggle
To sum all this up the people (aside from the few I mentioned earlier who I truly believe to be a shining example of love and god and acceptance) showed me almost nothing of god and everything thing of deception by putting on a good face when the world is watching and being worse than those they judged behind closed doors. I believe god is love and I believe that humanity and all the bad things that go along with being human are ok what I don’t believe is not being honesty about your faults or vices or judgments and that pretending to be holy or perfect when you are just as bad if not worse than those you condemn.
Sorry again for the rambling or thoughts and lack of punctuation and grammar and bad spelling
Please comment any questions, thoughts, or opinions are appreciated
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